Go For It

I was at the gym this morning, just dropped my darling girl off at kid watch and got on the treadmill to do my 2 mile run and a lady came in that was probably 4'10" and about as round as you can get. She looked positively uncomfortable being there with her husband (not being with her husband, just uncomfortable in general) and they got on the row of treadmills in front of me. She was walking very slowly and had to take some breaks and after about 15 minutes she got off the treadmill and tried out one of the recumbent bikes.

My story has a point - I promise - I remember going back to the gym after years and years of avoiding the place (it's actually not that hard to remember since it was May 29th of this year). Going through those doors in my tight workout pants and husbands old t-shirt was one of the hardest things I've done. I spent the first two weeks at the gym ashamed and embarrassed - and absolutely positive that everyone was watching me. I was embarassed because I was sweating SO much that my bum was soaked each time I finished my workout - I could just imagine what the guys in the weight room were thinking when I would bend over to grab a weight, I was ashamed to enter my weight on the bike or elliptical machine when it asked for it - positive that the women next to me were trying super hard to not gag when they saw my weight, and the list goes on and on. And after about 2 weeks and only a 2 pound weightloss I started getting frustrated - I hadn't changed my eating habits yet and I was enduring the gym. And then, for some reason I finally had my "AHA! moment". And this is how is went:

I am at the gym to lose weight for ME - not to win a beauty pagent or impress the guys with my dry bum. I weighed what I weighed and that was a fact - I could either accept it, love myself where I was and go from there, or I could settle for my mediocre workouts filled with pity. I went with the first option. So what if my bum sweats? I'm working hard and I feel great. I stopped throwing the towel over the display box when I entered my weight - I let it all hang out because that's who I was. When I started running a few weeks later I was able to run a TOTAL of 3 minutes and doing it walk one minute, run one minute. And I was proud of myself. Also, I learned that the majority of the people at the gym were concerned about themselves and could care less about my sweat or my weight. I find it powerful to enter 260 pounds on the bike because I know how hard it was to put in the 297. I revel in the fact that I am absolutely drenched at the end of my workouts because I try to REALLY push myself each day I'm there.

Back to the lady from this morning. I couldn't help but wonder if she was feeling the way I had felt four months ago - if she felt self-conscious or embarassed? Wondering if people were judging her "lack of fitness". All I know is that while she was doing her best on her treadmill and I was running my buns off on my treadmill I was hoping and praying that I see her on Monday and each day after that - I was silently yelling at her to go for it - and I hope she does.

Quick side note - I DO bring a towel to counteract the effects of my sweaty bum =).

This is me now.