Don't Panic

Don't panic - just something I have been telling myself for the past few weeks. September was a killer month for me - I really struggled losing those 7 pounds and recently it feels like old habits are trying to worm their way back into my life. I was a diet queen - in fact, the first diet I went on "Body For Life" was because I was about 5 or 7 pounds heavier than when I first got married. That little diet was the catalyst for my nearly decade long obesession with losing weight - or my inability to lose weight. Ask my hubby - it's all I talked about - either the new diet I was on or how fat and miserable I was. So those first 5 to 7 pounds I needed to lose increased over time to the 117.2 pounds you see recorded as my starting weight (297.2). When I started working out again at the beginning of June I finally decided that I was through dieting - I wasn't going to "go on" something. Because when I go on a diet I end up going off of a diet, and if I wasn't on anything then there wasn't anything for me to quit. Did that make sense? I just wanted to make realistic changes - changes that will allow me to feed my family of 5 as inexpensively as possible and at the same time allow me to lose the weight and get healthy. I've been counting calories....actually I haven't been counting my calories for the past 3 or 4 weeks. What I've really been doing is starting to panic - I can't help it, it's something that happens, that little voice inside my head that starts nagging at me to try something different - what I'm doing isn't working. NOT TRUE!!!! It is working. When I am fully aware of my calorie intake and make healthful choices (for the most part) and when I push myself with my cardio and weights 5 days a week I really see results. I will see results. I will not panic. I will calm down and be realistic. I just told my dad today that for the most part this lifestyle change is hard - some days are easy - but for the most part it is difficult because I am learning that no matter how much weight I lose it doesn't suddenly make me want to keep a spotless house, study my scriptures and pray every day, make dinner for a neighbor or never yell at my kids. Losing weight and being healthy is now something added to my list of things to do and be each day - the difference is that it is at the top of my list and I'm not ignoring it anymore. I will not panic, I will see who I really am, what I am really doing and make those small, realistic changes that have helped me lose the first 36 pounds.

I feel much better now.