I was doing the weight portion of my workout on Thursday and almost fell over - I was watching myself in the mirror and looked up so I was looking right into my eyes (does this sound weird yet??) and I could NOT believe it! I recognized myself - I haven't seen me in years! It was such a coincidence - being in the gym at the same time and all.
Have any of you felt that way?? For such a long time I would sit and stare at myself in the mirror and pray that I would recognize the person looking back at me - and I just didn't....I think I mentioned this in my last post - I was just letting life happen to me - not taking the responsibility to really make choices. I love looking at myself now - sounds stupid, probably a little vain, but if you know me or my siblings you know that we all love to look in the mirror a bit too much. It's not that I think I look overly fabulous, it's almost like I can't get over the fact that it's really me again - it just bowls me over some days that I made the decision to change and I'm following through with it. I kind of think my mom feels the same way because whenever I call and give her my weightloss updates she just laughs - not like she's being rude or utterly stunned that I'm still doing this - but I think she's a bit delighted that her daughter is back.
Will be posting my goals for the month of November tomorrow - I'm ready to crank out some serious pounds this month!
This is me now.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Passed It!
I weighed 255.4 Saturday morning - close enough to 42 pounds lost. If I lose 2 pounds this coming week that will make a total of 8 pounds for the month and I'll have hit my goal.
I was able to wear a dress to church today that I haven't worn in over 3 years - it is so nice to have a closet full of clothes that I can actually wear again. I worked hard again this past week in the weight room and cardio wise - on Friday I did a combo of the treadmill for 20 minutes (running/walking), the elliptical for 25 minutes (manual at level 9 and 10) and the bike for 15 minutes. I think I will start doing this every Friday - it shakes things up a bit and it's a fun challenge. Food wise I have just been making good choices - I really don't eat very different from the rest of the family - dinner is the same for all of us each night, I will usually just measure out what I need to like if it's hamburger helper or spaghetti, etc. so I'm not overdoing it - breakfast is coaches oatmeal with peanut butter and milk 90% of the time, and lunch is a variety of things. Lunch is honestly the hardest meal for me - I would say that I eat at Costco and/or Subway at least once a week for lunch, I usually will get the caesar salad from costco and just do 1/2 the dressing and croutons and I'll take out about 1/4 of the lettuce so there is enough dressing. I get all of my calorie counts either from The Biggest Loser calorie counter book or the livestrong.com website - I LOVE this site. This is what I use to determine my calorie intake, etc. It is so helpful and free which is the best part.
I've changed my life - my relationship with food and love of myself are so different than they were 5 months ago. It's been a gradual change and I'm so thankful for where I'm at now. I've finally realized that at the end of the day I am really the only one who cares if I'm fat or not. It's my choice. And I believe that now. I honestly take my life one choice at a time. I think before I almost wasn't thinking about what I was doing or eating - I just did it and then would wonder at the end of the day how I got to where I was.....my life is no longer like that - I'm holding myself accountable.
Here are some pictures I took last week - I feel comfortable in my skin and I am so thankful for what I'm learning each day.
this is me now.
I was able to wear a dress to church today that I haven't worn in over 3 years - it is so nice to have a closet full of clothes that I can actually wear again. I worked hard again this past week in the weight room and cardio wise - on Friday I did a combo of the treadmill for 20 minutes (running/walking), the elliptical for 25 minutes (manual at level 9 and 10) and the bike for 15 minutes. I think I will start doing this every Friday - it shakes things up a bit and it's a fun challenge. Food wise I have just been making good choices - I really don't eat very different from the rest of the family - dinner is the same for all of us each night, I will usually just measure out what I need to like if it's hamburger helper or spaghetti, etc. so I'm not overdoing it - breakfast is coaches oatmeal with peanut butter and milk 90% of the time, and lunch is a variety of things. Lunch is honestly the hardest meal for me - I would say that I eat at Costco and/or Subway at least once a week for lunch, I usually will get the caesar salad from costco and just do 1/2 the dressing and croutons and I'll take out about 1/4 of the lettuce so there is enough dressing. I get all of my calorie counts either from The Biggest Loser calorie counter book or the livestrong.com website - I LOVE this site. This is what I use to determine my calorie intake, etc. It is so helpful and free which is the best part.
I've changed my life - my relationship with food and love of myself are so different than they were 5 months ago. It's been a gradual change and I'm so thankful for where I'm at now. I've finally realized that at the end of the day I am really the only one who cares if I'm fat or not. It's my choice. And I believe that now. I honestly take my life one choice at a time. I think before I almost wasn't thinking about what I was doing or eating - I just did it and then would wonder at the end of the day how I got to where I was.....my life is no longer like that - I'm holding myself accountable.
Here are some pictures I took last week - I feel comfortable in my skin and I am so thankful for what I'm learning each day.
this is me now.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Then and Now
I haven't posted any pictures of myself yet - and after having the swine flu for the past week and my monthly "present" at the same time my plans have been a bust - I am completely looking forward to getting back to the gym tomorrow and going shopping for my healthy stuff that I was unable to get as I would have been publicly shunned for going to the store with my swine flu mask on. Anyway, I was looking at pictures on my phone while at Urgent Care on Thursday - luckily it wasn't that urgent because it took me 3 hours to see a doctor - when I came across a photo I took of myself in the middle of July and I was shocked at how different I look. So I got on our computer to see if I could find some old pictures from this past year to compare to my new ones - there weren't very many since I've really been avoiding the camera for quite some time - but I found these that were taken on New Years Eve of this past year - I would guess that I was anywhere from 283-287 at that time:
And here are some pictures taken just yesterday during a day trip to the mountains, and for the sake of this crappy past week we'll say I weigh about 258:
Maybe to the rest of you it won't seem like much, but I am so happy to see that I actually have a chin again.....
this is me now.
And here are some pictures taken just yesterday during a day trip to the mountains, and for the sake of this crappy past week we'll say I weigh about 258:
Maybe to the rest of you it won't seem like much, but I am so happy to see that I actually have a chin again.....
this is me now.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Getting Close
My weight this morning is 257.4 - which is .2 away from 40 pounds. Yahoo! Last weeks goals were okay - still haven't gotten around to writing down my weight workouts. My runs were terrific - I've shaved 44 seconds off of my 2 mile time since last Monday. I had a great workout this past Monday - I'm really addicted to that runner's high when I've really been pushing myself.
I have a confession to make - I am now addicted to spinach. It's completely my moms fault. I told her a couple of weeks ago that I really struggle getting in my fruits and veggies every day. She told me to go and buy a container of the baby spinach from Costco and just put a light dressing on it with some sunflower seeds. SO GOOD!!!! I call it my secret weapon - it ends up around 100 calories and I have it with my lunch every day. I used the light & zesty italian dressing from Kraft.
I am 95% sure that I'll be skipping the gym today. Gracie has been sick the last few days (Jeremy stayed home with her while I went to the gym yesterday), and I am not feeling too great either - I think we are all getting the flu, which means I will be missing a workout for the first time in about 3 months.... it will be okay.
this is me now.
I have a confession to make - I am now addicted to spinach. It's completely my moms fault. I told her a couple of weeks ago that I really struggle getting in my fruits and veggies every day. She told me to go and buy a container of the baby spinach from Costco and just put a light dressing on it with some sunflower seeds. SO GOOD!!!! I call it my secret weapon - it ends up around 100 calories and I have it with my lunch every day. I used the light & zesty italian dressing from Kraft.
I am 95% sure that I'll be skipping the gym today. Gracie has been sick the last few days (Jeremy stayed home with her while I went to the gym yesterday), and I am not feeling too great either - I think we are all getting the flu, which means I will be missing a workout for the first time in about 3 months.... it will be okay.
this is me now.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Go For It
I was at the gym this morning, just dropped my darling girl off at kid watch and got on the treadmill to do my 2 mile run and a lady came in that was probably 4'10" and about as round as you can get. She looked positively uncomfortable being there with her husband (not being with her husband, just uncomfortable in general) and they got on the row of treadmills in front of me. She was walking very slowly and had to take some breaks and after about 15 minutes she got off the treadmill and tried out one of the recumbent bikes.
My story has a point - I promise - I remember going back to the gym after years and years of avoiding the place (it's actually not that hard to remember since it was May 29th of this year). Going through those doors in my tight workout pants and husbands old t-shirt was one of the hardest things I've done. I spent the first two weeks at the gym ashamed and embarrassed - and absolutely positive that everyone was watching me. I was embarassed because I was sweating SO much that my bum was soaked each time I finished my workout - I could just imagine what the guys in the weight room were thinking when I would bend over to grab a weight, I was ashamed to enter my weight on the bike or elliptical machine when it asked for it - positive that the women next to me were trying super hard to not gag when they saw my weight, and the list goes on and on. And after about 2 weeks and only a 2 pound weightloss I started getting frustrated - I hadn't changed my eating habits yet and I was enduring the gym. And then, for some reason I finally had my "AHA! moment". And this is how is went:
I am at the gym to lose weight for ME - not to win a beauty pagent or impress the guys with my dry bum. I weighed what I weighed and that was a fact - I could either accept it, love myself where I was and go from there, or I could settle for my mediocre workouts filled with pity. I went with the first option. So what if my bum sweats? I'm working hard and I feel great. I stopped throwing the towel over the display box when I entered my weight - I let it all hang out because that's who I was. When I started running a few weeks later I was able to run a TOTAL of 3 minutes and doing it walk one minute, run one minute. And I was proud of myself. Also, I learned that the majority of the people at the gym were concerned about themselves and could care less about my sweat or my weight. I find it powerful to enter 260 pounds on the bike because I know how hard it was to put in the 297. I revel in the fact that I am absolutely drenched at the end of my workouts because I try to REALLY push myself each day I'm there.
Back to the lady from this morning. I couldn't help but wonder if she was feeling the way I had felt four months ago - if she felt self-conscious or embarassed? Wondering if people were judging her "lack of fitness". All I know is that while she was doing her best on her treadmill and I was running my buns off on my treadmill I was hoping and praying that I see her on Monday and each day after that - I was silently yelling at her to go for it - and I hope she does.
Quick side note - I DO bring a towel to counteract the effects of my sweaty bum =).
This is me now.
My story has a point - I promise - I remember going back to the gym after years and years of avoiding the place (it's actually not that hard to remember since it was May 29th of this year). Going through those doors in my tight workout pants and husbands old t-shirt was one of the hardest things I've done. I spent the first two weeks at the gym ashamed and embarrassed - and absolutely positive that everyone was watching me. I was embarassed because I was sweating SO much that my bum was soaked each time I finished my workout - I could just imagine what the guys in the weight room were thinking when I would bend over to grab a weight, I was ashamed to enter my weight on the bike or elliptical machine when it asked for it - positive that the women next to me were trying super hard to not gag when they saw my weight, and the list goes on and on. And after about 2 weeks and only a 2 pound weightloss I started getting frustrated - I hadn't changed my eating habits yet and I was enduring the gym. And then, for some reason I finally had my "AHA! moment". And this is how is went:
I am at the gym to lose weight for ME - not to win a beauty pagent or impress the guys with my dry bum. I weighed what I weighed and that was a fact - I could either accept it, love myself where I was and go from there, or I could settle for my mediocre workouts filled with pity. I went with the first option. So what if my bum sweats? I'm working hard and I feel great. I stopped throwing the towel over the display box when I entered my weight - I let it all hang out because that's who I was. When I started running a few weeks later I was able to run a TOTAL of 3 minutes and doing it walk one minute, run one minute. And I was proud of myself. Also, I learned that the majority of the people at the gym were concerned about themselves and could care less about my sweat or my weight. I find it powerful to enter 260 pounds on the bike because I know how hard it was to put in the 297. I revel in the fact that I am absolutely drenched at the end of my workouts because I try to REALLY push myself each day I'm there.
Back to the lady from this morning. I couldn't help but wonder if she was feeling the way I had felt four months ago - if she felt self-conscious or embarassed? Wondering if people were judging her "lack of fitness". All I know is that while she was doing her best on her treadmill and I was running my buns off on my treadmill I was hoping and praying that I see her on Monday and each day after that - I was silently yelling at her to go for it - and I hope she does.
Quick side note - I DO bring a towel to counteract the effects of my sweaty bum =).
This is me now.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Thank You Julio!
I love the t.v. show "The Biggest Loser" - this is the first season that I don't eat a big bowl of ice cream when I watch it =). Tonight Julio was eliminated - kind of a goofy guy who ended up surprising the heck out of me. Anyhoo, in his update of where he is now (which, I believe is down 108 pounds) he said that what changed for him was his mindset - that the people that loved him were still going to love him whether he was fat or skinny, that it didn't matter to them. Isn't that the truth? I finally realized that for myself a few months ago - I tried to make losing weight about everyone but me, that my poor husband was married to a fatty, that my kids friends would probably make fun of their chubby mom, and the list goes on and on. But I realize that is completely untrue - and when I accepted the fact that my weight ultimately only really mattered to me, I had a decision to make - and that decision was/is to love myself. I have changed. Things will be hard. But life is hard - being a mother is hard, downright difficult, but I find my greatest joys in my children; being a wife is hard, but being committed to my sweetheart brings me such comfort, love and peace. Working out for 2 hours a day is hard, but it is bringing out the qualities in me that have always existed, but I chose to ignore because eating was easier. My weaknesses are becoming my strengths - not overnight, but that's okay, because loving myself now means I am learning to love myself where I'm at in my life, being grateful for what I have, and going from there.
This is me now.
This is me now.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Don't Panic
Don't panic - just something I have been telling myself for the past few weeks. September was a killer month for me - I really struggled losing those 7 pounds and recently it feels like old habits are trying to worm their way back into my life. I was a diet queen - in fact, the first diet I went on "Body For Life" was because I was about 5 or 7 pounds heavier than when I first got married. That little diet was the catalyst for my nearly decade long obesession with losing weight - or my inability to lose weight. Ask my hubby - it's all I talked about - either the new diet I was on or how fat and miserable I was. So those first 5 to 7 pounds I needed to lose increased over time to the 117.2 pounds you see recorded as my starting weight (297.2). When I started working out again at the beginning of June I finally decided that I was through dieting - I wasn't going to "go on" something. Because when I go on a diet I end up going off of a diet, and if I wasn't on anything then there wasn't anything for me to quit. Did that make sense? I just wanted to make realistic changes - changes that will allow me to feed my family of 5 as inexpensively as possible and at the same time allow me to lose the weight and get healthy. I've been counting calories....actually I haven't been counting my calories for the past 3 or 4 weeks. What I've really been doing is starting to panic - I can't help it, it's something that happens, that little voice inside my head that starts nagging at me to try something different - what I'm doing isn't working. NOT TRUE!!!! It is working. When I am fully aware of my calorie intake and make healthful choices (for the most part) and when I push myself with my cardio and weights 5 days a week I really see results. I will see results. I will not panic. I will calm down and be realistic. I just told my dad today that for the most part this lifestyle change is hard - some days are easy - but for the most part it is difficult because I am learning that no matter how much weight I lose it doesn't suddenly make me want to keep a spotless house, study my scriptures and pray every day, make dinner for a neighbor or never yell at my kids. Losing weight and being healthy is now something added to my list of things to do and be each day - the difference is that it is at the top of my list and I'm not ignoring it anymore. I will not panic, I will see who I really am, what I am really doing and make those small, realistic changes that have helped me lose the first 36 pounds.
I feel much better now.
I feel much better now.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Goals for 10.5.09
I am going to post my weekly goals each Saturday or Sunday for the upcoming week.
My goals for this week are:
CARDIO
*Run 2 miles per day Monday-Friday
I have been running twice a week for 3 miles each time. I would like to increase my endurance & am trying to mix things up a bit.
*Recumbent Bike for 20 minutes Monday,Wednesday,Friday
*Arc Trainer for 20 minutes Tuesday & Thursday
STRENGTH TRAINING
*Write down each exercise with the weight/reps
I haven't been writing any of my weight workouts down.
*Hold Planks for 1 minute.
The most I have held them for is 45 seconds - hard stuff
NUTRITION
*Enter EVERYTHING I eat each day on my Livestrong page.
I have hit a bit of a wall. The weight is definitely not coming off as fast and I'm thinking it has a lot to do with my food.
*Eat all meals at home Monday-Friday.
I have been eating lunch out especially a lot lately and it is a bad habit to get back into - used to do it all the time.
WEIGHT LOSS FOR THE MONTH OF OCTOBER:
*Lose 8 pounds this month, which will take me down to 253.2 and make my total weight loss to date 44 pounds.
My goals for this week are:
CARDIO
*Run 2 miles per day Monday-Friday
I have been running twice a week for 3 miles each time. I would like to increase my endurance & am trying to mix things up a bit.
*Recumbent Bike for 20 minutes Monday,Wednesday,Friday
*Arc Trainer for 20 minutes Tuesday & Thursday
STRENGTH TRAINING
*Write down each exercise with the weight/reps
I haven't been writing any of my weight workouts down.
*Hold Planks for 1 minute.
The most I have held them for is 45 seconds - hard stuff
NUTRITION
*Enter EVERYTHING I eat each day on my Livestrong page.
I have hit a bit of a wall. The weight is definitely not coming off as fast and I'm thinking it has a lot to do with my food.
*Eat all meals at home Monday-Friday.
I have been eating lunch out especially a lot lately and it is a bad habit to get back into - used to do it all the time.
WEIGHT LOSS FOR THE MONTH OF OCTOBER:
*Lose 8 pounds this month, which will take me down to 253.2 and make my total weight loss to date 44 pounds.
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