True Story

TRUE STORY:

About 7 years ago we were living in a small town in Idaho. There is one stop light in town. This place is your typical "everyone knows everyone". You get the picture. There is a Maverik right off of Bridge Street - I believe I've mentioned this Maverik before when talking about my love of their donuts, breakfast sandwiches and x-large cokes for breakfast.

Anyhoo, one day after work I stopped at the Mav to grab my usual - at the time the hubs was working as a painter (not an artist - big difference) and was out of town. When my hubby was out of town I would eat until I couldn't eat anymore - did it as a newlywed when he was out of town playing football, and at this point in our marriage would do it when he was out of town for work- I now realize I was pretty much eating to combat the loneliness and to have something to do. Sounds lame even as I'm typing it....

I digress. So, pretty much, my usual at the Maverik was nachos, candy bars, cupcakes, soda - whatever was cheapest, etc. Well, as I was heading into make my purchase this little old lady pulls right up to the front of the store and I see one of the cashiers run out to her car - the cashier hands her a carton of cigarettes and she gives the girl some money - she had an oxygen tube, etc. and pretty much looked like death warmed over. And I kid you not, this was my exact thought as I watched the whole thing transpire and head through the front doors of the store - 'That stuff is killing her and she won't stop - that is so sad to have such a bad addiction'....... About 5 minutes later I waddled out to my car with a bag of junk and saw her just sitting in her car smoking. I think of that day now and wonder if the old lady was watching me and thinking 'I can't believe old chubby britches just bought all that crap - doesn't she know that stuff is making her fat?'

At the time I couldn't see past my need to fill whatever was hurt, broken, or lonely with food. I didn't see the truth of the matter - which was that I was addicted - I didn't care what it was doing to my body, I just needed and wanted it because that is what made everything better. And when I topped out at 297.2 pounds and was still hurt, broken and lonely I finally realized that the food wasn't going to make me feel better - it was just helping me not feel anything. So I decided to start living - not just existing and waiting - but going and doing.

this is me now.