Progress Pics.....

Thought I'd post new pictures of myself - it is a good reminder of where I've been,

where I'm at now

and where I want to be. It's also a good reminder to get the straightener out after I have a shower and do something with my hair - holy cow Em!



I'm still sitting right at 234 pounds - which is not a bad thing, but not a really great thing either.  I can totally tell that I'm gaining muscle. And my eating this week has not been spot on - curse you Wendy's and Taco Bell.  But this is a learning process - if I knew it all already and applied it all already then this blog would be filled with more I-told-you-so's and less crap-I-messed-up-again's - and let's face it, nobody likes a know-it-all. 



this is me now.

Favorite Things

I thought I'd share a few of my favorite things that help me almost daily in pursuing my goals of losing weight and living a healthy (sometimes just healthier) lifestyle:

The weeks that I have pb&j for lunch, I ALWAYS have it on Kirkland's Multi-Grain Bread - it has 6 g of protein and 5 g of fiber per SLICE - and 140 calories. This stuff fills me up and it is only $4 for two bags at Costco. Awesome.

When I have a breakfast burrito I always use Flatouts - they are only 100 calories and have 9 g of protein and 8 g of fiber per tortilla (I also buy these at Costco, I think they run about $7 for a 3-pack)

Love me some Coke Zero - I'm not quite sure what the deal is, but I love this stuff. It doesn't taste like diet and it's not tasting like regular Coke - me and the hubs enjoy it.

These fun size packs of plain m&m's are great for a treat at night after the kiddos go to bed and there is only 70 calories in one package.

I have been putting multi-grain cheerios in my protein shakes (mixed in with a spoon after the blender) and my favorite way to eat these is with 1/2 cup of lf cottage cheese and 1 cup of sliced strawberries - yum!

This might be one of my new favorite things. It is Trader Joe's Cilantro Dressing - it only has 45 calories in 2 tablespoons and it is divine - think Cafe' Rio dressing people. Will be putting this on my romaine and chicken this week for lunch. Special thanks to Kelly over at Fitting Back In for the suggestion - muchas gracias!

I weighed in at 234.2 this morning - another pound down and I can tell that I'm gaining some muscle - love it!

this is me now.

p.s. I am still quite lame and CANNOT figure out how to post things as links in my blog - if anyone has the how to's let me know. Right now I'm blaming it on the fact that we have Windows Vista - blech. Problem fixed (I think) thanks Carly!

Feelin' It

I finally feel like I am starting to hit my stride again focus wise. I'm enjoying my workouts - trying to find ways to increase my strength, etc., I am staying quite close to my planned meals each day and it is easier for me to remember why I'm doing what I do. I was reading back over some earlier posts and it was fun to remember how excited I was when hitting certain milestones - how happy I was being me and enjoying the choices I was making in my life. I've gotta be honest, the last few months have NOT felt that way - it has felt like a chore almost every single day and I just wasn't feeling "it"......now here's the great part....but I knew if I kept trudging along, doing what I knew how to do and gave it my best effort every day (even if my best effort included Taco Bell and some froyo for dessert), that eventually I would feel "it" again - and it's happening.
Here are some things I am enjoying now at 235 pounds (PMS raging, no weight loss this week) that I certainly wasn't at 297:

-I fit comfortably into chairs with sides on them (like the one's at the doctor's office). There is no spillage of belly and hips out of the slots.

-I also sit on any dang chair I want, I no longer fear chairs collapsing under my weight

-My feet don't hurt anymore. They used to hurt ALL the time, especially after a shift at work or a long day of shopping

-My feet are no longer swollen - they actually look like feet, and for that matter, my ankles look like ankles - no more cankles for this girl

-I sleep on my stomach sometimes - haven't done that since I had the twins

-I went into Lane Bryant to buy some shorts and I didn't buy a pair just because they fit, I bought a pair that LOOKS good (in a size 18)

-I get to wear actual swim shorts (size 18)over my swimming suit this year - not a pair of men's gym shorts from walmart in 3X.

 

-I dream about my high school basketball days - I don't know why, but for the past 9 or 10 years I had zero dreams about playing basketball in high school. I dream a lot and can remember many of my dreams, and for some "reason" in the past 6 months I have started having dreams that include my high school basketball team and coach. side note: I played high school basketball (obviously) on a VERY good team. We won state my junior and senior years and we were ranked nationally my senior year. Some of the greatest things I've learned in my life started on that court with my coach Rand and girls that I will consider close friends for the rest of my life.

 

-I can't WAIT to go to Disneyland with our family in May. I know that I will have the energy to keep up with the kids and a smaller butt to fit on all the rides.

-I am finding it easier to see almost ALL things in my life for what they truly are and could become because I'm able to see myself that way also.

this is me now.

True Story

TRUE STORY:

About 7 years ago we were living in a small town in Idaho. There is one stop light in town. This place is your typical "everyone knows everyone". You get the picture. There is a Maverik right off of Bridge Street - I believe I've mentioned this Maverik before when talking about my love of their donuts, breakfast sandwiches and x-large cokes for breakfast.

Anyhoo, one day after work I stopped at the Mav to grab my usual - at the time the hubs was working as a painter (not an artist - big difference) and was out of town. When my hubby was out of town I would eat until I couldn't eat anymore - did it as a newlywed when he was out of town playing football, and at this point in our marriage would do it when he was out of town for work- I now realize I was pretty much eating to combat the loneliness and to have something to do. Sounds lame even as I'm typing it....

I digress. So, pretty much, my usual at the Maverik was nachos, candy bars, cupcakes, soda - whatever was cheapest, etc. Well, as I was heading into make my purchase this little old lady pulls right up to the front of the store and I see one of the cashiers run out to her car - the cashier hands her a carton of cigarettes and she gives the girl some money - she had an oxygen tube, etc. and pretty much looked like death warmed over. And I kid you not, this was my exact thought as I watched the whole thing transpire and head through the front doors of the store - 'That stuff is killing her and she won't stop - that is so sad to have such a bad addiction'....... About 5 minutes later I waddled out to my car with a bag of junk and saw her just sitting in her car smoking. I think of that day now and wonder if the old lady was watching me and thinking 'I can't believe old chubby britches just bought all that crap - doesn't she know that stuff is making her fat?'

At the time I couldn't see past my need to fill whatever was hurt, broken, or lonely with food. I didn't see the truth of the matter - which was that I was addicted - I didn't care what it was doing to my body, I just needed and wanted it because that is what made everything better. And when I topped out at 297.2 pounds and was still hurt, broken and lonely I finally realized that the food wasn't going to make me feel better - it was just helping me not feel anything. So I decided to start living - not just existing and waiting - but going and doing.

this is me now.

New Goals......

When you set goals a lot of times people will tell you to create a motivation/dream board - something that will help you focus on what you want to achieve. I have NEVER done that - however, I have been "considering" it for quite some time. I already know which pictures I will cut out, which words really motivate me, etc. But is it enough to know that I want my abs to look like this and my arms to look like that? One image I will be adding to my dream board is a picture of a healthy pregnant woman. We would like to add to our family - the hubs has been wanting another baby for about 6 months (apparently I'm not getting any younger) - and I have been quite resistent to it for several reasons: A) Olivia, who is now 22 months, is a full-time job. We are talking be on red alert because this girl will get into anything and everything B) Financially, I thought it would be best to have Livy paid off before we accumulate another one =) and C) I really didn't want to be a fat pregnant woman again. And I really felt/feel selfish for the last one. Is it okay to put off having another baby so I can lose weight?

So, I've been doing some serious thinking and decided that we will start "trying" for another baby when I've lost another 30 pounds or turn 33 (which is September 12th) - whichever comes first. If I got prego right away that means I would be at 205 - I haven't weighed that since 2001. I will be working on my dream board this week and hopefully have pictures posted of it towards the weekend.

this is me now.

Friday Confessional - On Saturday

I confess that:

-After stating I was going to have a good week foodwise, I went to Costco the very next day and was tricked by my kiddos into buying a package of brownie bites

-By tricking I mean they said - Mom, these are really good!

-Stupid free samples.

-They really were good - so good that I probably ate 40 all by myself (over 3 days)

-Does it really matter that I added in the 3 days part? You're all probably just paying attention to the fact that I ate 40 of the suckers

-Once I finished the last one I felt mucho relieved that they were finally out of my house

-Technically they are still in my house when I am at home because they are resting pretty on my tummy and thighs

-I know this might come as a shock - but I didn't lose ANY weight this week. Not even 1/10th of a pound.

-I still can't believe I've lost 62 pounds and that in another 55 I'll be at my goal weight

-Truthfully, I really think I look good right now and can't imagine what the old bod will be lookin' like when I drop another 55

-It might take a lot longer than I thought though, because I have to go back to Costco today!

this is me now

Note To Self:

Dear Self:

Next time you are cruising the aisles in Costco and happen across "brownie bites" do NOT buy them - excessive eating will ensue. Trust me.

this is me now.

Making Progress

Well, I'm done hovering right at or a little above 60 pounds - finally started on the losing track again. I weighed 235.0 this morning which takes me down to 62.2. Once I decided to do my "own" thing again and be true to what I set out to do, the eating was SO much easier this week. I really, really, REALLY, liked the Kristi cheesy tacos - and I also loved the kashi and yogurt. Overall it was a great week foodwise, exercising and getting in a ton of water. I was sick for a couple of days, but am feeling better now.

The hub's family came into town Wednesday night (that is my excuse for not blogging until today) and we tried to cram a weeks worth of fun into 3 days - I'm not gonna lie - having a serious fever Thursday and Friday really helped me keep my eating under control=). My fever broke late Friday night and I was feeling a ton better on Saturday - and I still didn't overeat or stuff myself like I've done in previous family situations - I actually took the minute it takes to ask if I really wanted to eat this or that and it really helped.

My baby (is she still considered a baby at 22 months?) was playing with my ipod shuffle dock last week and stepped on it and bent the thing in half - augghhhhh! I went to go and buy a new usb cable for the thing and the nice gentleman in the electronics department at Walmart (who had no idea what he was talking about) sold me the cord for the newest model - so I was a little sick to my stomach when I got home, plugged the thing in and the new cable wasn't working with my shuffle - come to find out I can only use a dock for my model - whew! So I'm heading back to Walmart tomorrow to get the right usb/dock. I know that might seem a little lame that I'm posting about this, but music is SO important to me for my workouts.

I'm looking forward to another good week - a week of eating well, exercising, drinking tons of water and doing what all us mommies do at home(everything!)- a week of balance.

this is me now.