Week In Review

So, this week I finally tried something I've heard about for the last 6 or 7 months it's called The Green Monster and I looooooove it.  I've tried the "original" monster and the Blueberry-Banana and I have to say that I'm a big fan of the original.  I have had it twice first thing in the morning and once mid-afternoon and it really does give you ENERGY.  It definitely helped with my mid-afternoon slump.   I bought a HUGE bag of ground flax from Costco for around $8 and I freeze my bananas - I also used regular 1% milk, but I'm going to get some almond milk this week and try it.  Give one a try and let me know what you think - you will NOT be able to taste the spinach - maybe in the first sip - but after that it tastes like a yummy banana smoothie.

I weighed 240.1 yesterday morning.  The reason I am using my weigh-in from yesterday is because PMS has reared its ugly head and I am now a puffy marshmallow - puffiness will ensue for the next 2 or 3 days.

So, I changed my weight routine this week, and of course I used two of the workouts from this months issue of Oxygen .  My body has responded in the best way it knows how - being absolutely sore.  I am still taking BodyCombat twice a week - I really love it.  Heavens knows I will never be a boxer (much, much too slow), but I enjoy how strong I feel.  I have also been running twice a week - my goal it to build up to 5 miles per run.  I am currently at 3 1/2 miles.  I also do some sort of cardio on Mondays - usually the stepmill.  Working out has not been something I've struggled with this past 14 months.  It's the darned nutrition.  I read this week in Corrine's post over at Phit-N-Phat that most "experts" will tell you that losing weight and living a healthy lifestyle is 80% nutrition and 20% exercise.  She took it a step further and said that it is 60% MENTAL 35% nutrition and 5% exercise (she actually put 25% nutrition but those numbers add up to 90 and I'm pretty sure she was shooting for 100%).  Her advice is to GET THE HECK OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY.  I believe it because I've lived it.  The months when I've lived with my "healthy" mindset have been the most rewarding and easiest of my journey.  I'm getting back to that.  Until next time.

this is me now

Don't Worry.....

I am one to automatically think the worst has happened - for instance, my sister called me at 7 a.m. about 6 weeks ago and my first thought is, crap! something is wrong with the baby (she's pregnant).  Turns out that the reason she called is she thought it was 8 a.m. here - crazy girl! And just wanted to chat. 

The reason I'm stating this is because I didn't want anyone thinking the "worst" has happened to poor Emily and she has given up on herself.   Truthfully, I have been having a VERY difficult time keeping my momentum going - it seems like one thing after another has happened (i.e. washer & dryer died, vacuum died, needed new tires on the Expedition, had to get a root canal) and I have dealt with them in the way I have done the past 12 years of my life - with a lot of food and I am slowly dealing with that.  This morning I weighed 242.4 - after reading my posts of the last few months I realize that I am pretty much at a standstill - it feels like it is taking all of my effort just to stay within a reasonable weight fluctuation - and it is through no one's fault but my own - I haven't been eating well and have really been feeling down in the dumps.  Poor combination.  However, that doesn't mean I'm giving up and feel "destined" to be where I'm at.  I'm putting my weight out there. AGAIN.  I'm posting my truth. AGAIN. and I am going to keep living my life each day with the intention of living it on purpose.  I am aiming to MAKE choices each day that will bring me closer to living the life that's important to me - as a healthy wife, mother, daughter and friend. 

I'm also contemplating combining this blog with my Emily's Big News blog - because my life ain't all about trying to lose weight and I've thought it might be best to combine the two because a) I've been horrible about blogging on either one of them and think it might be less "overwhelming" b) I'm not self-conscious anymore about my friends and family that only visit EBN finding out that I used to weigh 297.2 and c) I can do what I want because these are my blogs =).  Let me know what you think - okay, let me rephrase - if 2 or 3 of you would be willing to leave a comment on this I would really appreciate it!!!

this is me now.

Week In Review

I have now realized the importance of an ACCURATE scale.  The one I bought last year had been very consistent up until about 3 months ago.  These past few months, everytime I would get on the scale it would read something entirely different - we are talking from one minute to another.  I would get up in the morning, weigh myself, go to the bathroom, weigh myself again and weigh 2 or 3 pounds more than I did.  And while I knew that it was pretty much impossible for that to be right, it still reaked major havoc in my head.  So, while I was at Costco yesterday I bought a new scale - it was less than $20, but a good one.  Just to test it out yesterday I weighed myself in 4 different rooms of the house and I weighed the SAME in each room.  I was so freakin' excited - sounds stupid, but I feel like that's one thing that I can rely on to accurately reflect my progress.  So, my weight this morning is 239.4 - I'm very happy with that number.  I also know that I probably didn't weight 245.4 last week seeing as I was weighing on old  unreliable (oh yeah, that stupid scale now has a nickname). 

I've learned that a little sun on the arms and legs makes it a whole lot easier to see some of my muscle definition and DOES make me look slimmer - holla! (does anyone say that anymore???)  So spending time with my girls this week at the splash park - the one with Livy is in my bedroom - she is a hard monkey to catch at the park - helped on the tan front.

I have also learned this week that I feel strong and sexy (whoa!) after I've finished my BodyCombat class on Wednesdays and Fridays - I leave feeling so powerful and confident.


We are headed up to Mount Charleston to take the girls for a hike - probably around 2 miles.  It is supposed to be 103 today in Vegas and MC is only 1 hour away and a 30 degree difference so it will definitely be worth the drive. 

I bought some turkey (previously mentioned here), wholly guacamole, sprouts,  banana peppers and alpine multi-grain bread for lunches this week.  I've also been buying a ton of produce lately - lovely watermelons, strawberries, kiwi, bananas, and salad fixins.  I have also been completing my "Gallon Challenge" each day this week and it has been an easy thing to do - the hubs picked up his own gallon jug yesterday.

Here's to a day of hiking and swimming - we will be hiding in our house tomorrow after church - it's supposed to be 108.  Yikes!!!!

this is me now

Feeling Better

Apparently all I needed was  great Memorial Day weekend to get things in perspective.  I was VERY excited to get to the gym today.  I am doing a new weight circuit from this months issue of Oxygen Magazine and it felt great!  I realized this morning that I haven't lifted weights for 3 WEEKS!!!!! So crazy! I know for me personally, lifting weights makes me happy - gives me those great endorphins that I really need to stay motivated.  I also started drinking (as of yesterday) a gallon of water - I'm planning on doing this for the next several weeks to see if it makes a difference in my hunger, etc.  It also doesn't hurt with the lovely summer heat of Vegas to stay really hydrated - it was 95 yesterday and is currently 92 right now.  We are supposed to have our first 100+ day of the year by the end of this week.  The heat of summer ratches up my ice cream cravings and today I had something that was SO SO good.  I have a bunch of frozen bananas in my freezer (the best place to keep frozen bananas. ha!ha!) and I took one out today, sliced it up (note to self: next time slice bananas before freezing), put it in a bowl and drizzled a tablespoon of chocolate magic shell and a small bit of whipped cream on top.  It was delicious and totally felt like a treat - which is pretty much was with the chocolate. 

I am looking forward to the rest of the week.  The twins will have their first official summer break as of tomorrow at 9:55 and I am pretty excited to have them at home for the next 3 months.  My little Livy bug will be turning 2 tomorrow - I can't believe how fast time goes and how much she has changed this past year.  Have a great rest of the day!

this is me now.

One year down, a lifetime to go......

To say the past year has been eventful would be a major understatement.  I really didn't think I would be where I am today when I made the commitment to be honest with myself......it has been an amazing journey that has turned more than a bit hard in the past few months.  I weighed myself this morning and I am at 245.4 - yep, I've gained 11 pounds in the past 3 weeks.  Between vacation and a serious bout of "not caring" eating I am sitting at what I weighed in December 2009.  This has been a really hard thing to blog about.  I would rather hide my failures and only blog my success - but I decided yesterday that I am back to being honest with myself again, and by extension, honest with my readers (are you still there? I wouldn't blame you if you  weren't).  I have felt very discouraged lately - reading back over my posts for 2010 this seems to be a common thread.  When I went farther back to my posts of September, October and November 2009 I feel like I am reading a blog about someone different and I want that person back.  I no longer feel "at peace" with my body, but feel at odds with it.  I am constantly judging myself and comparing myself to others.  It has been hard to get out of my own head, out of my own way and continue on the path I set out on.  I have started finding ways to reward myself in ways that DON'T signify that I love and care about my body and spirit- they come in the form of combo meals from Wendy's or McDonalds, Ben & Jerry's and my old foe Twix bars. 

I really didn't know how much longer I was going to wait to post here - I feel ashamed and hypocritical.  But I am working on loving me and going from there - honestly.  I am being realistic in my eating - everything I eat does matter.  Reading this post here helped remind me of who I was, who I am and who I want to be.  I will be posting my weight each Saturday - seriously - and blogging a few times per week.    This is my life and I'm ready to live it on my terms.....again.

this is me now.

Be Brave - I Dare You!

So. I am feeling MUCH better about things - I went a little crazy there in my last post.  That happens sometimes.I can't remember if I mentioned this in my last post, but I've started running again - running is code for jogging. I probably keep about a 10 minute/mile/pace. I ran two miles on Monday and felt amazing - during the run I probably sounded like I was ready to hack up a lung, but that runner's high is a bit addictive.

I also decided to be BRAVE today and try something new - I took a class at the gym called BodyCombat. It was so much fun. By fun I mean we were punching and kicking and yelling and I was sweating like crazy. It was totally awesome. But it took me a week to work up the courage to go into the class. I was nervous that I would look stupid, that people would stare, blah, blah, blah. Maybe I looked stupid, maybe people did stare, but I forgot all about it when the class started.

I'm daring anyone who reads my blog (apparently 15 of you are crazy great enough to follow me) to do something BRAVE and let me know what it was - whether it's trying a new class, heading outside for a walk, drinking water instead of the soda you usually have with your dinner - the only one stopping you is YOU!!!!
this is me now.

Scale Rage

Seriously.......I haven't wanted to post this week because I am so stinkin' mad at myself at the scale that I've pretty much just moped all week.  I have "maintained" my weightloss going on about 4 months - I don't really consider the 12 pounds I've lost this YEAR as being in weightloss mode because it has happened so sssssslowwww.  Can you tell that I've had a couple of rough ones?  I had a major binge over this past weekend and I figured I'd have recovered from it scalewise by Wednesday - I honestly weigh a bit more on Monday's and Tuesday's because my eating is so reckless different on the weekends.  However, this week has been a big ole fat exception to my self-imposed rule - I was weighing in at 240 up until Thursday when it dropped down to 238 and I was sitting at 237.6 this morning.  I have been eating so well - better than I have in a couple of weeks, so you can see the reason for my concern.  I seriously wanted to hang up the old tennis shoes, skip the gym, and blame everything and everyone today.  Instead, I got the twins ready for school - the fighting, complaining and yelling always add to the ambiance, which they have been doing for like 3 weeks - packed Livvy and the girls in the ped and was on my way.  After I dropped the twins off at school I decided to call my sweetie-pie-of-a-sister Ashley (no, I haven't signed Oprah's no phone zone, I know, I know, stupid.stupid.stupid) because I desperately needed to talk this out - it has put me in a serious funk.  And once I started talking about my week she gently reminded me that sometimes your body retains water (we've decided that's what has happened to me), etc. regardless of how well you are eating and exercising.  I realized that I haven't been getting near enough sleep this week and I am s.t.r.e.s.s.e.d - the twins have been in their fun fighting funk, Livvy is acting different and we are coming up on the final countdown for our family vacation to Disneyland.  It also doesn't help that I have been hopping on the scale AT LEAST 6 times per day - you know, to check and see if it has reset itself and is now weighing me correctly.  So, I've decided to do this: I put my scale away for one week - whatever I weigh next Friday is what I weigh.  It will not affect my vacation or any of my family members vacation.  When I get back from said vacation I will be revisiting my goals and finding ways to calm down refocus so that I can go back into true weightloss mode.  Side note:  Just because the scale is put away does not mean I am going to go all willy-nilly (does anyone say that anymore?) with my eating.  I will continue to eat the way have this past week and end the week out strong with my strength training/cardio before the VanDyke clan hits Disneyland (I am seriously so excited!)

this is me now.