DISCIPLINE

I have a friend in Idaho who is a very Type A personality. Very organized, very focused, very disciplined etc. I felt quite inadequate when comparing our days - hers were filled with running, lifting weights, eating good food, kayaking, hiking - you get the picture. My days were filled with eating, watching t.v., playing with the kids and praying for their nap/bedtime so I could eat some more food and watch me some more t.v. And then I would have a pity party as I would watch my friend when we would get together for playgroups or at church and think to myself - I really WISH I could be disciplined like Yvonne, she is so LUCKY to just be like that. Somewhere along the way I started believing that having discipline was something you were born with like brown hair or blue eyes.

I now understand and know that discipline takes effort - it takes doing something over and over - and while doing that something over and over again is what helps you become disciplined when it comes to that certain thing. I feel that I am quite disciplined when it comes to my time in the gym - I really love going and have been doing it long enough that I enjoy finding new ways to really challenge myself. I'm trying (super hard) to be disciplined with my eating. In my opinion consistency = discipline. It's not just going to happen, people aren't just born with it, and it's something ALL of us can have. We just have to be willing to put in the work - put in the time, make the effort and know that unless you do that you won't just wake up one day with it - not gonna happen.

On another note, I have made the decision to get a little bit of help in the food/meal department. My tweeks, which absolutely helped my lose my first 60 pounds, are just not enough anymore. My sister Ashley introduced me to the program KristiApproved-Live the Life. These two women (Kristi and Trish) have come up with some rockin' recipes that are filling, delicious and easy with most calorie counts coming in around 200-240 for all meals. I have been doing it off and on for the last few weeks and have committed myself to their 12 week program starting Monday. If any of you are interested in seeing what it's all about, go to www.kristiapproved.com and take a look. They offer a free 7 day workbook (downloads to your computer) that provides you with recipes for 7 days and exercise also. I really like it - it is a program that works with my beliefs as a Latter-Day Saint. I'm really excited to see where the next 12 weeks will take me. And I'm NOT doing this out of desperation, I'm just ready to step it up another level.

this is me now.

Hello 230's, It's Nice to Meet You

236.6 - that's my weight as of this morning. 60.6 - that's how much weight I've lost in 9 months. I spent all of December, January and the first two weeks of February in the 240's. I was in a stall and it was mostly because I was basically eating all of my calories burned working out. After a lengthy phone conversation with my sis Ashley she helped me realize that I might need to tweek my eating habits again - which I did and now I'm finally out of those darn 240's. I don't know what I'd do without Ashley - we talk at least 4 times per week and she lets me talk about my successes and my struggles. She offers me practical advice and cheers me on. She is the one to remind me - when I get down or frustrated - that these habits I'm creating are lifelong and I don't have to hurry and lose the weight. I hope that everyone has a someone like my sister.

this is me now.

Adjusting

i'm here. i'm still working hard. i'm still pursuing my goals. we moved to las vegas on January 30th and it has been quite the adjustment for me weightloss wise. I really love it here - love our house, love the neighborhood, the area we live in, the weather, etc. But it was still a big change and transition not only for my family but for me as an individual - I just figured I would transition smoothly and go on with what I was doing over in Arizona. I was wrong. The gym I go to now is amazing - everything I could want, right at my fingertips - and my baby has a great time in their daycare which is fabulous. But Vegas is filled with something that my little area of Arizona was not - people. TONS of people. The gym gets pretty packed and I have to admit that I was very intimidated up until a couple of days ago. There are a lot of women that have gorgeous bodies, gorgeous hair, gorgeous tans, outfits, teeth, boobs, you get the picture. So when I showed up with my 55 pound weightloss (my badge of honor) it didn't mean anything to the people there - they aren't super impressed with me because they don't know how far I've come like my workout friends at the YMCA. So I felt very out of place, fat, weird, etc. and I instantly started comparing myself to the people around me - SO stupid! I spent a week thinking like the old Emily (just ask my sister) and really worried that I would be gaining those 55 pounds back with a vengence because mentally I had hit a gigantic wall. And I was eating my feelings - again. For the first time in 8 1/2 months I didn't want to go to the gym. Never thought that would happen. But I still went. Because the new me found a way to reach the old me and tell her to shut it! Losing weight and being successful at it - at least for me - is such a mental game. Learning to talk positively and realistically to myself has made such a difference in my life. This move has taught me that life throws you curveballs. Being on a schedule is SO great, but what happens when you can't be on one for a while? What work are you doing to strengthen yourself mentally for when things happen? Because they do.

this is me now.

Finally!

I feel like I am making REAL progress again with my weightloss - as opposed to the fake kind =). I am 242.2 this morning which means I have lost 55 pounds. I am VERY anxious to get out of the 240's. I have been in them forever - it feels like forever. I have gotten back to eating the majority of my meals at home and I'm not really counting calories - I have a good idea of my calorie count during the day and I am focused on eating a smallish dinner and having my Healthy Choice fudge bar at night (with the occasional tablespoon of chocolate chips).

I took my measurements this morning - I'm not sure if I'll get the chance with the big move at the end of next week - and I have lost :
1/2 inch off my chest (when I say chest, I mean my ribcage right below my chest)
1 inch off my waist
1/2 inch off my hips
1/2 inch off each upper thigh
1/2 inch off each quad (I measure a couple of inches above my knee cap)
1/2 inch off each calf

Which is a total of 5 inches since January 5th. I have not lost anything from my arms since the end of October, but I'm pretty confident that they will shrink some more with the next 20 pounds and I am definitely building my muscles there. I had not posted a loss from my quads since I started taking measurements in September so I was really excited to see them shrinking - I could tell a difference even without taking the measurements. And my calves have been the same size since the end of October, so it was great to see that too!

My new favorite way to eat my spinach is the following:

-About 3 cups baby spinach from Costco
-2 oz. shredded chicken breast (I put a couple in the crock pot with some montreal steak seasoning and use them all week)
-2 hardboiled eggs
-1/4 sliced, medium avacado
-1 T. sunflower seeds
-3 T. Light Zesty Italian dressing

It is SO good and comes in around 425 calories. It is also much cheaper than my turkey salad I was making before. One of the things that helps me eat healthier is really looking for sale prices on basic things like chicken breasts - they were on sale at the grocery store here a few weeks ago for 1.57/pound and I eat about 1 pound of the chicken per week for my salad - I was paying $12 for 14 oz. of the turkey from Costco - and don't get me wrong, it is delicious, but I am on a budget.

Anyone remember the song "Do as I'm doing, follow, follow me....do as I'm doing, follow, follow me...."? My lifestyle changes have been going on long enough that they are now affecting my children. My mantra used to be "Do as I say - ignore what I do" and now I am able to be an example to my girls of the importance of taking care of their bodies. Whitney LOVES oatmeal - has it for breakfast 3 or 4 days a week and eats it just like me, with some pb, splenda and a little bit of milk. Both of my girls love that shredded chicken I make for my salads and like to take it in their lunches sometimes. They drink a TON more water, ask if they can eat hardboiled eggs and love to have oranges and apples each day. I stopped buying chips for their lunches a couple of weeks ago - NEVER thought I would do that. But they are just as happy having pretzels in their lunch and haven't even asked about chips. I also stopped putting a treat in their lunches like fruit snacks or a granola bar, and they haven't said a word. When they get home from school now, they can chose to have the fruit snacks, granola bar or animal crackers for their after school snack. Before they would have had a treat in their lunch, a treat when they got home and usually a treat before bed....... because their mom was doing the same thing. They are still doing what I do, the only difference is I DO want them to follow my example now.

Do as I'm doing, follow, follow me......

this is me now.

I am under major stress. I thought that after the end of the holiday season my life would be somewhat stress-free and I would really be punching out those pounds. Well, long story short, my husband got transferred to Las Vegas (this is a VERY good thing and a major BLESSING for our family), he has been working over there since the beginning of last week and we will be joining him at the end of this month. I basically had about a 3 week notice to get the house packed up and all of the things that go with moving - turning off/on utilities, cancelling memberships, packing, packing, cleaning and packing. We now have less than 2 weeks before the big day and it has officially stressed me out - more like made me super anxious, nervous, etc. and I have found that my number one coping mechanism is EATING. Is that a huge shocker or what? I know - it is so crazy to really see how I have trained myself to be comforted by food - mostly ice cream - but I cannot even begin to explain the absolute cravings I have had for the stuff. I called my dad last week right after I had left Walmart - I had run in after my workout to pick up some milk, etc. and I had literally walked up and down the ice cream aisle a good 10 times before I finally talked myself out of buying the stuff. I told my dad that it felt like I was just hanging on by my toes. But I have definitely given into the cravings this week and after the "giving in" I IMMEDIATELY felt better. The only difference is that I'm not using the giving in as an excuse to eat like a trucker until Monday. I just move forward, keep going and do what I do (most of the time). Another coping mechanism would be much better, but for now, I'm just riding it out.

When we moved from Idaho to Arizona at the end of May last year I was SO tired all of the time (you've all seen my before picture), had no energy to get anything done and basically had a buttload of stuff to do the day we were packing up the truck. I just could not see myself getting all of that done - it seemed impossible. And at times I also thought that it would "just get done" - magically.

This time around I am already so far ahead of my game plan that I can't believe how much smoother things are going. I'm making plans for each day/week and getting them done. I have the energy to do all of the packing, the daily house cleaning, the cooking and working out. I am a different person.

On Saturday morning I weighed in at 244.4, which means I am down 3 pounds since the beginning of the month. I am happy with the number and look forward to the end of the month when I measure my progress. I am also looking forward to my NEW gym - it looks absolutely amazing and I'm looking forward to losing my last 64 pounds there.

this is me now.

p.s. If any of you look for inspiration in health magazines like Shape, Self, etc. pick up a copy of Oxygen magazine. It is amazing - all about eating clean and being strong and healthy - I get a lot of my lifting routines from them. I like this magazine because it's more about finding your inner athlete than being a size 0. Let me know what you think.

Wishful Thinking

I used to feel like I was wishing my life away. I wish I could lose 100 pounds, I wish I was a better mother, I wish I read my scriptures more, I wish I was out of debt, I wish, I wish, I wish....... The problem with wishing is that it is totally unproductive - I would wish for the above mentioned things and then wait.and wait. and wait. Because for some reason I honestly felt like things would "just happen". I would wake up one day and NOT go to Maverik and get a donut, breakfast sandwich, and xlarge coke after I dropped the twins off at preschool. I would wake up one day and have an overwhelming desire to exercise, study my scriptures instead of watch tv, not spend money on crap and have the patience of Mother Theresa with my kids. I was basically living in a "delusion-ville" where great things happened magically.

I have found that just by saying something - putting it out there for people to hear - doesn't mean it's going to happen. Just because I say I want to be a better mother (which I'm sure I'll be wanting to be for the rest of my life) doesn't mean I'm going to be if I don't put in the effort. If I don't have a plan. Same with losing weight. Until I had a REALISTIC plan that I can follow for the rest of my life, which I'm pretty sure I do, that weight wasn't going to come off. Until those credit cards were cut up and I stopped deluding myself with UNREAL expectations (like winning the lottery, getting a gigantic tax return) we were not going to be headed in the right direction to get out of debt. Anything worth having will take work. Anything worth keeping will be a challenge. I finally had to ask myself if I was willing to put in the time, make the plan, and see it through the parts that were hard. And when I finally did that, things started happening. Great things, amazing things, wonderful things. I am more shocked at how I USED to live my life than how much I've changed. Things are no longer left up to chance. I've realized my life has to be lived with purpose, with effort, with a plan. Whewwww!

this is me now

This Past Year......

has been completely amazing and very unexpected. I started out looking like this:


And currently look like this:


Have you ever noticed that the heavier you are the shorter your arms look in pictures? Mine couldn't rest comfortably at my sides when this picture was taken in April - and I can't believe how big my waist was. I'm wearing my "at home" outfit - my brown/brown shirt and the infamous purple pants that I cut into shorts (much more slimming that way ...) I have currently lost 11 inches around my waist, 6-7 inches from my hips, 3.5 inches from my rib cage right below my chest and at least 2 inches from my arms. My lovely thighs are about 2 inches smaller - maybe more, I didn't start taking measurements until the middle of September and I know that my thighs will be the last things to let that fat go. I'm really wishing I would have taken measurements of my "cankles" because they look so normal now and I can't believe what I was retaining in my feet - they were a bit bloated.

Sometimes I just don't see much of a difference in the mirror, but when I look back at the few pictures I've had taken over the past 6 or 7 years I realize what a difference I have made in my life and that is so motivating for me.

An interesting thing has happened at the gym the past couple of weeks. A few people that I used to see working out regularly during the summer and even into September and October, but haven't been in quite a while are back - and have gained back the weight I'm sure they worked very hard to lose. It has been a real eye opener for me - I used to think, oh, I'll just take "the rest of the week" off from the habits I had been working hard to implement and that week would turn into a month, and then I would be starting all over again. To see that happen in other people has been a great "a ha!" for me - to just keep going. I have really struggled this past month - I didn't realize how hard this month would be food wise. I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of goodies that seem to be appropriate for practically every day from Thanksgiving through New Years. I know I was bragging about losing 2 pounds in my previous post, but I ended up gaining that weight back this past month and as of yesterday morning weight 247.6 - and I'm totally okay with that. I'm certainly not perfect and never will be - and I've come to accept that and work with it. My eating has been pretty much crap for at least 1 1/2 weeks, but I know that will be ending tomorrow with the twins birthday. The lesson I've learned is that you just have to keep trying - keep doing what works and when it gets hard, just keep going - even if it means not losing weight or gaining a bit before your head can be in the right place again. Because it really begins and ends with what is inside you - what you REALLY think of yourself and how you REALLY see yourself.

this is me now.